Charles Neal Walter 1941 - 2017

On Thursday morning, I told the kids about Grandpa's death just before I dropped them off at school.  We said a prayer.  They were sad, but I figured it was good that they had the distraction of a full school day while I got us ready to leave for Utah.  Apparently, Corinne had a hard time, though, because I got a phone call that afternoon telling me she had slapped her teacher for telling her to take turns...
  
On Friday, I left with everyone except Connor and Ryan, and drove up to Levan to be with my mom.  Connor seemed to be getting sick, so we thought it would be wise for him to wait a day or two.  While he waited, he also attended the school's Harvest Party, and performed in a piano concert (his cold went away quickly, thank goodness.) 
    

Celeste.  Somewhere in between Baker and Las Vegas.

Square Dancing

Chuck's memorial service and cremation were scheduled for Tuesday, but I'm glad we were able to be there beforehand to help with arrangements and to just spend time with our family.  It's funny how, even when someone passes away, little things still need to be done.  Kids still laugh and play, meals need to be eaten, and chores still need to be done.
  

The girls had no cold-weather clothes, so we went to Walmart.

The little ones spent a lot of time in this fort.

The day before the memorial service, the kids drew special pictures to put on Grandpa's casket.  Connor said he preferred to say something at the service, but the others expressed themselves on paper.
    

Corinne: "Coffin with Flowers" and "Love"

Evan: "Circle of Life"

Elise:  "Levan Landscape"

On Tuesday morning, we all got up very early and drove to Sandy for the memorial and cremation.  I was very nervous about something going wrong: being late, getting lost, the kids behaving badly, the baby crying, saying the wrong thing, etc.  We did get into a car accident on the Sandy off-ramp (somebody rear-ended us), but we still arrived on time.

Rather than a traditional funeral service, Mom had decided to do a small family gathering at the crematorium.  She had ordered a large bouquet of assorted flowers, each one holding a special symbolism or meaning, and there were framed pictures placed around the room, with a viewing of the simple, open casket in front.  It was beautiful, and perfect for him and for us.  In attendance were Mom, Kevin and Liz, Kyle and Kelli and their kids, our family, and Mom's friend Tina.  Kevin conducted, and people took turns sharing memories and thoughts.  Connor shared the story of when Grandpa gave him and Elise real handball trophies after teaching them to play in the backyard, and I shared a spiritual experience I'd had several nights previous.  The kids were able to put their pictures on the casket, and everyone placed flowers from the bouquet, then everyone except my mom and her kids filed out into the lobby.  We four got to place the casket and be witnesses to the cremation in the adjoining room.  We were sad, certainly, but I felt so much love in that room.  

It was really a beautiful service, from start to finish.  I was also very proud of my kids for their sensitivity and reverent behavior.

  

After the memorial service, we all went out to breakfast together before heading back.  We stopped at the Murrays' house to drop off a leaf-blower we didn't need anymore.  Ryan and Connor demonstrated its usefulness for the little ones, who thought it was the coolest toy ever.
    

On Wednesday, Ryan had to drive home to California to take care of some things at work, but flew back up for the Saturday luncheon with the Speisers.  In the meantime, the rest of us just enjoyed being together in Utah for a few days.  The kids went on rhino rides with Grandma, we visited a pumpkin patch, and made "stone soup" from the recipe in the Grandma's storybook.
   

Ryan loves making kids do chores.

 

Helping Clean Out Daddy's Car

Covering Connor with Corn

Five Years Earlier:  Covering Connor in 2012

Evan really wanted to make "stone soup" at Grandma's house.

We had a very nice lunch with Bob and Paige Speiser at Oasis Cafe in Salt Lake (Doctor Speiser thought it did a good job of capturing the old spirit of the Salt Lake Roasting Company, where he and Chuck used to socialize and work on papers.)  He and his wife wanted the opportunity to visit with Mom, and to share stories and thoughts about Chuck.  

The next day, Sunday, we left before sunrise and drove home to California.

Charles Neal Walter

May 11, 1941  -  October 19, 2017

  

  

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October

By early October, they were framing in the walls of the toy room and new bathroom, and we were busy figuring out all those silly remodeling details that you don't think about unless you have to, like flooring and faucets.  Because our bathroom floor was open to the crawlspace, we started getting visitors in the kitchen at night.  Sometimes they ran right under my feet while I was nursing Celeste on the couch.
    

     

Mousey Bites

  

This school year, Evan started preparing to take the Level 1 Certificate of Merit exam (which happens every March,) while Connor and Elise studied for levels 4 and 5.  Their piano teacher, Roza, held theory classes almost every Thursday after school, where they got the bonus of hanging out with friends a little bit.  I didn't get pictures of the big kid theory class, but it met upstairs.  Also, Corinne played in her first ever piano concert.  I believe her piece was "Old MacDonald."
   

E-I-E-I-O....

    
Generally speaking, we were busy with normal activities and appointments (I texted my mom a picture of my calendar one day to illustrate our craziness.)  Corinne covered Celeste with yogurt, and Evan made a framed family portrait and worked towards his Book of Mormon goal.  We found a zebra swallowtail caterpillar in our orange tree, and fed it leaves until it turned into a chrysalis.
    

On Monday, October 9th, we had just brought some school friends home to play, when I got a call from my mom.  Chuck had recently undergone surgery at Huntsman Cancer Center to reconstruct his lower jaw (a mandibular free flap procedure).  It had been weakened by cancer to the point that, one year previous, it had fractured, leaving him unable to eat almost any solid food.  He and my mom decided that taking the risk of the surgery was worth the improvement in quality of life it could bring, and at first it seemed to have gone well.  The problem was that, as had happened a few other times, Chuck's heart responded badly to the anesthesia, and he had gone into atrial fibrillation a day into his recovery.  They had been unable to get it under control, and it had worsened to the point that my mom was told he wouldn't live another 24 hours.  She was calling me to hurry to Salt Lake for what might be his last moments.
  
Ryan was able to get me tickets for the next flight out of Burbank, and I took Celeste with me (because she's still nursing) and Elise (to take care of Celeste.)  We arrived around eight o'clock, I think, and were driven up to Huntsman by Kevin and Liz.  Liz was very kind to stay with Elise and Celeste in the waiting area, so I was able to go spend a couple hours in Chuck's hospital room with my mom and brothers.  Although the atmosphere was one of fear and sadness and shock, I also remember those moments as being very tender and full of love.  Happily, the doctors had been able to get the AFib under control, but the cardiac issues had caused damage elsewhere.  Chuck was in and out of consciousness, and had to be on a ventilator attached to a tracheostomy tube.  He couldn't speak because of the tube, and something was wrong with his digestive tract, since he was throwing up everything they put into his feeding tube, so he ended up being put on TPN (nutrition delivered through an IV.)  Also, in addition to all this, he looked like he had been mauled by a bear.  The surgery had been successful, but it involved removing his entire jaw and replacing it with skin and bone from his leg, and everything was still very swollen.  By eleven o'clock, the girls were tired, so I found a hotel room nearby on campus, and we went to bed.  I coached Elise on how to use the hotel phone, so she and the baby were able to stay asleep the next morning when I returned to the hospital for morning rounds.  I have to say, that Elise was amazingly responsible and helpful the entire trip.  I was very blessed to have her there.

Airplane Ride

   
Things were stable enough by morning that my mom sent us down to Levan in her car to take care of the house and dogs.  We had spent so much time training on how to run everything, that it felt good to actually be helpful for a few days.  We would feed and power-spray and squeegee and box-fan each morning, drive up to the hospital in the afternoon (where I'd often find my siblings in the hospital room) and return to Levan at night.  Despite all the odds, Chuck slowly began to improve, to the point that my mom finally felt comfortable coming home to shower one day (and grind up some raw dog food.)  On a couple of occasions, Kyle and Kelli watched the kids so I could go spend time at Huntsman without distractions.  Again, although the circumstances were scary and sad, the feeling of love and togetherness that week made just as big of an impression on me.
   

Power Sprayer

Naughty Baby

Huntsman ICU Waiting Area

Beef Guts!

Playing with the Murrays

Checking out Rehabilitation Centers (Elise's Picture)

We decided that I'd fly home Saturday night, since by that time it seemed safe for my mom to travel back and forth to Salt Lake, and she needed to get some rest in her own bed.  At home, I prepared for the Primary Program at church, took care of a now-sick Celeste (she'd developed a cold the day before we came back,) and tried to get things back in order.  I'm so grateful that Ryan was able to take care of the other three that whole week.  They had spent one day at "Emergency Child Care" downtown, a day at school, a day with Ryan at home, and one day when Aunt Helena came up and drove them to their piano lessons.  
     

Sicky Baby

Ryan was tired of Evan leaving the table during meals.

     
At 11:15pm on Wednesday night, I got a text from my mom telling me to call her.  She had just received a phone call from the hospital telling her that Chuck's vital signs were crashing, and she was in the car, rushing back up to Salt Lake.  They called again while she was speaking with me, so she switched calls.
  
Mom called back a few minutes later.  She told me Chuck had just passed away. 
    

I was up most of the night.  Sometime around 2am, I saw this raccoon.